The Keyhole Escape

Manisha Bajaj

Dear citizens of the world, I write to you to talk about my kind. I wish to open up about one of my characteristics that some might think is totally absurd & illogical. While, some of you might find yourselves relating to it as much as I do.

On one of the chilly nights when I wrapped myself in a blanket burrito, contemplating if I am ready to pen down my thoughts and feelings as I scroll through Instagram inattentively, a paradoxical question pops up steering a lump of courage to do it. The simple interrogation was ‘who are you?’ Perhaps, the answer is simpler in an interview room or a bank, when you are expected to introduce your name and qualification as a satisfactory answer. However, as an individual, you are the thickest trait you possess, your strength, nature and your weaknesses make you. Sighing, I click on the Notes app to start my endeavor of writing about what am I beyond the curtain of my name or face. I reckon, I am but ...an escapist.

Referring to oneself as an escapist wouldn’t be ample for you to understand the notorious tornado that lives inside me. I shall try to put it in words if you’re a patient but curious reader. I imply that I am an escapist because I’ve come to realise that stability makes me anxious. Monotony suffocates me. A fixed schedule, a timetable or settled life isn’t a romantic sight at all. A fine work-week, walking into a rather pleasant office, with cheerful people and an accomplished day is great. But, the very repetition of the same for longer tenure can sink me in an anxious void. A very system to me is a societal trap and a limitation of my freedom. Which is when this anxious tornado gets to work, be it a job, a relationship, or even at home I'm driving to find a window to escape. This constant need of escape is vital to keep myself composed.

It took a couple of years for me and my folks to understand this absurd trait that strongly takes part in every step of my life. It was rather necessary to accept that I, as an individual try to escape every situation that expects responsibility or a sense of monotony, or as people call it - an everyday task! I’m not wholly sure how many of you’ll feel the same. But, I sure do feel the shackles tied around me on days of regularity. It certainly doesn’t mean I intend to have a different adventure everyday. However, having a rather peaceful time without the pressure and a will to do as pleases is essential for me to survive. While some of them cope up with the ever rushing world, my soul resonates to freedom. It might sound poetic and completely illogical to a few practical minds but, to me, this absurdity is what keeps me going.

If you’re wondering what it's like, well, think of waking up with an anxious self trapped in a jail. As a notorious prisoner who’d find a million ways to escape. I feel the desperate need to get rid of the monotony and rush to a beach. The wild wide sea calms me down. I feel safer in an unknown destination that I unravel on my travels.

Understanding this, I decided to embrace this quirk rather than suffocate myself to achieve a normalton life. I quit the regular corporate job, and opted to be a freelancer. Becoming a freelancer, opened up doors to exploring the wide market for a writing unrestricted by a contract of one company. I could read, write and do as I pleased without a schedule.

So, If I had to tell you who I am, beyond my name, my educational qualification, the societal facade of gender, race etc. I’d tell you I am an escapist, a day dreamer, a wanna-be world traveller, a romantic reader and a positive believer and of course an overthinker. Daydreaming is rather a guilty pleasure, an activity I should probably add to my hobby list as I tend to daydream the lives of characters, people residing in other parts of the world, or an animal hungry for love. While, my other whims are self explanatory. I am also aware, I am a cautious person with the fear of the dark side, depressed side. It is rather comforting for me to live in the shade of positivity, with courage than to feel the darker emotions or surround myself with people with negative vibes.

And Every now and then, I find myself fascinated like a sleepless little girl looking forward to yet another exploration when I travel to an unknown place. Yes, travel has turned out to be a magical therapy that kills the spell of my anxiety and puts the longing at rest. I find solace at a blissful beach, listening to the roar of the waves, feeling the cold breeze over my soft sand dabbed skin. I’ve always felt like the sea smiles at me saying,“Oh my little girl! I’m glad you’re here again.” Every little adventure I take, calms me down for the days to come. I feel like I am healing a little at a time, yet healing.

While you’ve been patient to know so much of me. It becomes obligatory to introduce myself by the norms of decency. Here I am Manisha Bajaj, a freelance content writer qualified with a masters degree in mass communication. I write for a living, and travel to live. I have a keen interest in the art of microfiction and witty one-liners. In other likes, coffee and cheesecake is a palate therapy I'd enjoy anyday. I’m yet to settle between a Koala or a panda as my spirit animal. The rest of life’s adventure is yet to unfold.