Jhalak Soni

So first let me tell my story. I lost my mother when I was 14 years old. And by losing her I lost faith in god. But it didn’t hit me then that my whole life has changed now. She was my best friend just like every mom, I used to share everything with her. But I forgot to tell you one most important thing, when I was four, she met with an accident and then she got paralyzed, so for the rest ten years of her life she was on bed. I know it sounds tragic but she was a brave woman. But she never made me feel that I might be missing a lot of things from a normal life. But after a year of not having her around me made me question not only my existence but also everybody’s around me.
By thinking and evaluating all this I started having anxiety problems. I was most of the time sad and was busy in my own thoughts. This is when it got a little serious. Everyone around me could see that I am physically there but mentally I am at a totally different place. And since mine is a proper Indian family they always had some taunts to be presented to me. For a long time their words had a serious impact on me. Also from my childhood I have been a shy kid but growing up in my adolescent period I became more closed. I just couldn’t trust anybody near me. I always felt alone. After a while things started changing when I decided that it’s enough. That feeling came when I started questioning everything that has happened in my life. Like what is the purpose of me being born, what am I special at, what good can I do for this world to make it a better place. It was not just personal “What’s” they were also about why and how the universe work, how we feel the emotions that we feel, why do we have wars when all we had to do was talk. These HOW’S, WHAT’S and WHY’S made me think that the person whom I am scared of is inside me and I have to win over it.
We live in an era where most of us are fighting from our inner self/demons. We all have this certain negative energy inside us which tries to come out from time to time. In earlier times people had fights which impacted more on the outside world but now everyone is facing this trouble where they have to fight within themselves and hence it has a major impact on our inner world where live our heart and mind. While talking about mental illness it is impossible to not mention the social media platforms and their impact on our daily lives. In this age of trolling and bitching about one another it has become cool to say mean things about people. Not wrong to mention that it has become a culture to be rude in the name of being cool. We all are now under this pressure to have an opinion about everything that’s been happening and if by chance one has a different approach towards a certain topic they get trolled or mocked for it. All this leads to people having existential crisis. But it has one of the many good impacts and that is, now we can choose who we want to be or become.
A person needs freedom to explore ones sexuality, religion, dreams, career and a lot of other things like that. And while exploring all this, a person starts to see that the life is more than just black and white, it consists of greys as well. Life is mostly grey. It is a mixture of ups and downs, lows and highs, love and hate, trust and betrayal, forgiveness and revenge. Our choices change our lives, every one decision that we take takes a different turn and this cycle gone on until we are alive. There are infinite numbers of opportunities we have, all that it takes is to just live right there in the moment and thinking of it as most important decision of your life.

I know it’s easy to say but tough to accept but opening yourself to this spiritual world and thinking of life of more than just your problem but on the greater scale one can realize that it is all in one’s mind and that place should be in peace to be alive. Because let us accept it that world is cruel but YOU make the world.

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