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To Be or Not To Be

Sujith Venkatesh

It is one of those days when it's ceaselessly raining outside and you're all alone, engulfed in sadness and depression which doesn't have an origin that you know of. You try to read something but the page never ends. You try to write something but you're completely clueless of what you should. You feel like watching a movie finally but you can't decide which one. Your mind is completely occupied and empty at the same time. It's like an illusion- a boring one. You lie down and close your eyes. Everything fades in, fades out and rotates around you for a specific amount of time you don't seem to recollect. You're galloping inside a dark and silent tunnel, impatiently, searching for the light- the light you've heard people say that would be found at the end of the tunnel. You keep moving mindlessly, scared of getting stuck at the same place, sacred of living in a loop. You keep moving with hope that you're destined to find the light. The tunnel is getting bigger and deeper unfolding into a multiple  number of ways. You keep walking in a confused state. You feel like you are going in the wrong way but you don't know the right way and certainly don't dare to turn back. Everything feels random. Your heart is thumping and you're perspiring. You're getting sick of this unending meaningless existence. You stop and turn back. Everything's empty. You look the other way. It's empty too. You don't know what to do, you’re tired. You sit down and take a deep breath. You look at yourself from the perspective of an outsider. You laugh out loud at the purposelessness of life and all the cosmic gods you made up. You realize you're not special but just a cosmic accident that you can't seem to accept and come to terms with. You realize you're just everyone else and you don't have a purpose or a place; all you can do is find one and be content with it. Your heart stops thumping because now you know that you’re free and you're not destined to find the light. You might find it or you might not. Whatever happens just happens. All you gotta do is make a bunch of choices.


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