Self destruction

 Asra Khan

Soul is a place of saturnine now and
Heart is sodden with droplets of Remorse ,
Muffled words are discernible on my soggy eyelids .
Now I am searching my smile in the crowd , I am trying
If the mirror could concede me , I remember how sunlight lied ,
I remember the rage I have caged inside me .
Caught between peace and exhilaration ,my mind breaking
My own thoughts like a storm becoming stronger causing damage
Then it stops .

My heart sinks in the ocean of consternation
Watching giggles in the evening
Is it real ? wish to paint the grey walls , nothing is real
Choked on my fear of dreams , everything seems to be empty.
Hiding myself under a thick layer of skin and slowly I hardly panic

Winds are striking my forbearance and my heart find a shield
In the darkness and shade under the murky sky . when world oppress
Your fidelity then you realize you never lived, you just existed !
My journey is scary because I believed world is a perfect place
I am stoic with open heart now because emollient book often sits
Quietly to collect dust and that’s why dust fills my soul with bliss .

From the silent walls of my room , from the colour changing sky ,
Eyes look like the barren field of anguish , Blanket of haze is engulfing
The dazzling sun into cascade of wave and everything is now grey
Silence everlasting on the leaves , blink my eyes
What a lonely dream ?

How can you know the Agony ? when you’ve only seen the fluttering
Winds not the untamed world where flowers fall forever , where
Outside at night , fallen leaves die all alone , where the stars laugh
Over the putrid flowers . change of season comes with the promise ,
The promise that keeps flowers waiting eternally and one day
The chill of winter steals the hope away from the flower . Hidden lies
And the blurred memories this flower falls forever .

Now nothing is left to remember
Every second is like the droplet of venom that
Is leading me to the Desolation . soporific raindrops are now the dense pit of Nostalgia ,
where the dead smile moulds my hope .
Shards of my heart are telling my story , I am no more ebullient
Remember it took everything and I fell apart .

Words are Bleak today , Dreams have faded
But the ray of light I see set me free like a bird out of cage
This ray pulled me from the Dark like an ignited spark
Holding on was bravery but not until I wilted
Door ‘s are wide open now ,
Who I was I don’t remember ,where I am I don’t know
I just know I have to come back after a long .

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