Folder Of Disappointed Dreams

Anuragdasi Patel

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know." - Ernest Hemingway

I quickly dragged and dropped Photos & Portfolio into Little Projects; all created at some point in the times of internal realization over the last 3 years. I went from a spur of enthusiasm to disappointment as quickly as I had moved these folders, on seeing the countable number of files in each. Countable on one finger. I shifted to a work mail so I could fail myself into believing that I’ve been caught up with office.

Who am I kidding? Those Little Projects remained little as they never saw the darkness of the night, only felt when a writer keeps scribbling till their hands bleed. The Little Projects remained projects as they never saw reality, only happens when a writer believes in themselves.

What is so interesting and unique that I have to say, to share with the entire world and that can only come from me? Well I’m living one story myself, and I better make it interesting otherwise I’m wasting the prime of my life living and breathing a dud that I myself would rather not tell.
You know what’s invigorating? Failure, victory, growth, creativity, discovery, failure. No, none of them were a subset of my story, because these qualities come from motion. And I only remained. Reader, please don’t disappoint yourself into believing this is a self-deprecating essay about myself. I’m writing this, aren’t I? One of those aforementioned qualities has to find a way into my story. Even if it’s failure. That’s OK. I moved. I wrote. I wrote this in the darkness of the night.

OK let’s not get carried away. So I wrote four tiny paragraphs. I have a thousand more paragraphs to go and a thousand more dark nights to see. Reader, again I’m not discouraging your new-found spirit and faith in me. YOU still have a thousand more essays to read to call me a writer. So I’m focused on filling this disappointed folder of Little Dreams, one .docx file at a time.

Know that whatever disappointment or crisis or block it is that you are feeling right now, someone or the other can relate to it. Sure, it’s not interesting to read about failure, about lethargy. But the first step in becoming a better writer or whatever it is that you want to become- is to accept this, to accept yourself. And then move. Because each movement has always been and will always be a story.

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