PREETI BELANI
I owned a Dream theatre that functioned in stealth during hours of deep slumber. During this time my physical body appeared as quiet as a storm and underneath, the brain higgedly-piggedly spewed out haywire signals that intertwined my thoughts and formed a mighty tree, under whose shade I peeked into the depths of life.
It was a rough patch. Getting by days had become the ultimate challenge and in retrospection I started contemplating- was it ever not a rough patch? Voluntary suspension from college, banishment of any contact with social accomplices, sharing the roof with ignorant folks, I retreated every night to my dreams, holding on to the firm belief that maybe my deeper state of consciousness would prevent my otherwise conscious-self from doing the things the mirror in my room so staunchly reflected.
I have vivid memories of my dreams. For every night, the theatre employees were bent on screening the same dream. It was tears speaking to me. Yes, those tears which always dispensed the comfort of a warm spring on a chilly night, that was always the shadow growing taller and taller as the light of despair treaded away, that iota of physicality which caressed my back on those grim days when lips sagged with sadness, Yes, that munificent friend now refused to flow, refused to blow semilunar puffs under eyes. It had a complaint.
Tears: “ I am your friend, I am the buddy you yearn for in difficult times and I will stream as long as you want. But you keep forgetting that I have friends and they’ve been complaining”
Human: “ Your it’s- complicated relationship with Jukeboxy(the voice box)? Yeah that’s hilarious!”
Tears: “ She isn’t my only friend, I have lots of friends! And no need for this careless enunciation of stingy facts, it is the fate of our relationship that Nose goo ventures out everytime we hold hands . Left on our own, we are much more decipherable, elegant and well-defined”
Human: “ Can you get to the point already!”
Tears: “So much in return for my patience human, anyway, my buddy the voice box says that you have words that she quivers to deliver, instead you recruit me? Now don’t get me wrong I am not abandoning you, I am your shadow, your warm spring and all those poetic metaphors but you have to let Jukeboxy take the lead sometimes, it is 2020, the future…”
Human: “What does the year 2020 have to with any of it?!”
Tears: “Why do you keep cutting me off? It is utterly disrespectful, I never do that to you, do I? And what’s the year got to do with all of this you ask? You turned 21 this year, on paper you are an adult and it’s time you start acting like one and speak out. Or, let me rephrase it- Let Jukeboxy do her job!”
Human: “ Well…”
Tears: “Nah uh let me finish, there are grievances from Aeros too. They thrust a great deal of articulated air to boxy, she’s all puffed up. All of it is just ringing around her. You know how shy, quiet and passive Aeros are, they won’t ever complain to you. So I speak for them.”
Human: “ Enough with the maladies!”
Tears: “ I am not even halfway there! Boxy- she’s going to atrophy from this gruelling disuse. You want us all to be arthritic? To degenerate? Save the arthritis for the joints. My proposal is simple. I am only asking you to let the air out!”
Human: “I already told you I am on laxatives and I have made the necessary dietary modifications too!”
Tears: “ Your impudence makes me guffaw! Are you now incapable of following a conversation or is your inefficient problem solving skill making its vain appearance now! The air released from the other end buddy , from your mouth! Speaking of laxatives, the coily brothers are hard out of work too, they wail that they don’t receive enough food to process. Last week they were bloating with overwork and now nothing.”
Human: “I just told you I have made modifications in my diet”
Tears : “ You consumed bread crumbs for breakfast yesterday and a soda for supper. I know this because i was there, stationary in your eyes, you were too afraid to show me to your relatives”
Human: “I wasn’t hungry and besides the laxatives are a meal enough.”
Tears: “Do you want all your entrails to go arthritic?! A body crumbling, fraying from the inside?” We all want to work. Work, work and only work just like Rihanna does. If Rihaana works, we work. Period.”
Human: “I’m afraid the words I pour out will hurt them, how will I bounce back from that shame?”
Tears: “If only Brainy hadn't set up her impregnable barrier, i would’ve stormed into that dark hollow skull of yours and slaughtered these dilemmas.”
Human: “ Enough with these phantasmagoric suggestions!”
Tears: “ Okay I am halting my advances temporarily and am going to let Sara Bareilles take over”
*Brave by Sara Bareilles plays in the background*
Sara: “...say what you wanna say and let the words fall out, honestly, i wanna see you be brave…”
Every morning or whatever hour of the day it was, I woke up with a mouthful of these lyrics. Fall out, f-a-l-l-o-u-t, fallout. A prompt for formation, a prompt for bravery in formation. And form it did, in thoughts, in words, in actions and this is how my story begins.