Aiswarya Subramanian
Here I am, in my corner office.
Seated in my cosy and exquisite chair,
I stare at the sky through the spotless glass window.
The sky is strangely clear and cloudless.
I keep staring at it, unable to understand,
If it lacks something or its beauty is beyond my comprehension?
My eyes drift back to the papers in front of me,
The letters on the paper seem to be dancing around.
Unlike the sky, my mind is filled with clouded thoughts.
Today morning,my husband remarked,
"Now that you have reached your 'heaven',look back at the path you walked and the flowers you crushed in the beautiful untrodden path!".
I chuckled at this thought and an amusing sound escaped my lips.
Why did I giggle?
Because of how eloquent the statement sounded or because of the shallow intention behind it?
Yes, I have walked selfishly thorough the untrodden path, crushing the beautiful flowers.
Yet, I pointed fingers at no one when I stepped on the thorns that the beautiful flowers cunningly hid.
Some shamelessly remarked,"Why do you need a profession, when your better half fills the bank account to the brim?".
When the society derided me in the name of 'harmless advice', my own mind kept asking me-'Are you be childishly adamant?'.
Yet,each time my husband made a mockery of the dish at the dinner table,I decided my ego needs to be fed!
Everyday, my mind battled between whether I should be keeping house or keep my dying identity alive.
My heart ached when I realized that i don't get to kiss my girl good night for days in a row.
And slowly, I saw the little one who used to cry for my presence, learning to be comfortable and even be happy in my absence.
While I was fighting my own demons of guilt and was searching for a shoulder to lean on, they looked at me sadly and said ,"You cannot have it all!".
Yes, I cannot have it all.
But just because I chose to be different doesn't mean I have to be judged and be made guilty of my choices!
As much as I enjoy the feeling of my child in my arms,
I enjoy the view from my office.
One day, my child will grow up to understand that I wasn't being selfish,
I was just being ambitious.
And may be I can set an example and give her to courage to be different despite society's banter.
I push myself up and walk towards the glass window.
I realize my mind should be cloudless of doubts just like the sky before me.
The sky is indeed splendid!
I allow myself to smile.