Anguish

By Bhavya Gupta

The words jammed in my throat,

The lump bigger than it can hold,

Tears pooled in my eyes,

I don’t know how to let go.

Suddenly, all those memories,

Rushes back to my heart,

Knocking the door,

To let it in, in back.

Confusion filled my mind,

Storms erupting taking it course,

Volcano on verge of eruption,

Making me go wacky with need.

Need to hear the words,

Hear the smooth baritone,

The symphony ringing in my ear,

Hammering in my head.

The very thing that once calmed my soul,

Is today creating havoc, stealing my peace,

The answer to my every prayer,

Has again turned into difficult question.

The sob threatening to choke out,

With every roar outside,

My inside also rumbles,

Tightening my chest with anguish.

The thing so unexpected,

The change so unwanted,

Yet who am I to blame?

How could such a thing happen?

Not again, Not with me, please.

I pray. I don’t want it to happen,

Another time is too much to take,

Perplexity hovers everywhere.

Where is my calming one?

The search turned futile,

The void burning my heart,

Such pain, unendurable.

I long to.. to do something,

But that something,

Is what I don’t know,

Complexity no longer appeals me.

Even if I take a step back,

There is no guarantee of harmony,

Something, which I am not

Willing to forge.

I want to get the calming one back,

But not at the cost of my sanity,

Staying away is maddening,

But there is no other light for me.