By Bejoy Manoj
The hazy clouds, like my hazy mind—
I stood by the window. Speechless
What do you have for me?
Bruises from your past?
I stand here, offering a heart, a soul, a hand.
You held me tight, when you betrayed me
You held me strong, and you looked into my eyes
How would I know? How could I guess?
You were strong and vocal,
My questions were not on point
You laughed through
You held my hands as the rest of me broke down.
So many years gone by
I still stutter and ache
Like a fish towards its end, I suffocate
Adding years up while knowing you less
I don’t know what to call it—Love?
Made for each other?
Pathetic is what the reassurance feels like.
This new age of love is a felony for the heart.
The depth in your eyes.
The beauty in your words.
The feel of your touch.
The grace of your thoughts.
I forbid myself from feeling this.
I revoke the strength your words gave.
I drown in your touch.
I sink into your thoughts.
Take my feeble heart away
I don’t need to feel this heavy.
I’ll hold this feeling for both of us.
You go on, be the nonchalant one you are.
My heart still lifts, knowing you are okay.
My thoughts still ease, hoping I did the right thing.
I gave it all. You broke it off.
The sheets you stained.
The T-shirt you left.
I held onto it long after you were gone.
I walk past our memories
Like a ghost in despair.
How I miss the long calls with no words,
How we’d forget we were still on the line,
How even long silences and random thoughts
Became equally calming.
Just a phone away, you would say
I miss how calmly you slept
Knowing I was on the other side.
This curious and undefying urge you have
To feel the thrill of closed rooms
Getting under sheets with people around
To be in strange places with different people
In between all your right doings and defenses
What have you made me become?
What is left of me?
Or are you in love with the reflection you carved into me?
With this burning candle,
I’ll lie next to you. I’ll walk with you.
I’ll hold you closer.
Like this burning candle,
I’ll burn to be your light.
But be sure to say you love me
With this shine in your eyes,
And depth in your voice.
The day you stutter, I’ll be on my way.
Till then, I’ll reflect the beauty you hold.
The person I love
The gentle rain outside,
The smell of fresh soil
Come near, hold me close.
What if there are no more rains for us?
What if there are no more heartfelt smiles left in us?
Hold me one last time, as this rain passes on.
All we had… shall too.