By Nilanjan Dey
I am sitting on a ticking bomb.
Sooner or later, the time will come when the sound will stop.
And then there will be silence—
The silence of a closed room or a dark night.
From my ashes, you will find me—
A dirtier me… a nastier one.
Because I will no longer be able to pretend to be the honest, caring, good-hearted man you used to see.
I can no longer pretend.
You will hate me in the days to come—
For betraying you, for all the wrongs I did around you.
I don't want to make any excuses.
I was a coward in life, too afraid to face them head-on.
But deep down, I know I can't avoid them for long.
The bomb is ticking.
I can hear the sound clearly—
When I'm alone in the room,
When the night is dark.
It's almost time.
After your justified despair, I know you might come back to me…
Perhaps you'll be too tired to keep hating me,
Thinking there must have been some reason, some excuse.
Had I been around,
Maybe I could have convinced you.
But believe this: it was your love for the man you thought I was—
Not the person I really was.
I want you to forget me completely.
Pretend I never existed.
Pretend I was never in this world.
Only then can I escape from all my wrongs—
Even without offering a single excuse.