I am never Afraid yet, I always am

By Siddhi Makadiya

I am not afraid,
Not afraid of thunder and lightning,
Nor of roars that split the sky and winds that bends the trees.

Not afraid of bears with their mighty strength,
Nor of wolves whose eyes gleam with moon’s secrets.

Not afraid of snake’s slithering stealth,
Nor of lions whose roars trembles every soul, who commands the savannah.

Not afraid of high mountains that hugs the clouds,
Nor of the deep oceans that whispers mystery, ancient uncharted tales.

Not afraid of dark nights wrapped in silence,
Not of the stormy days where nature unleashes her fury.

I am not afraid,
You may call me brave-
I might agree.
But that would be untrue,
Because Fear,
It lingers in places you wouldn’t think,
Where peace and solace are supposed to be.
Fear,
Of things that should cradle me in safety,
Of things meant to soothe and not to torment.

My nightmares are not of the wild beasts,
In my night terrors-
I am not haunted by the monsters and aliens.
They are-
Not of rooms teeming with serpents and other creatures.
Not of Visions of me lying on deathbed, breathless and lifeless.
Not of scenes of losing those I hold dear.
And not of the ultimate isolation and endless void.

You may say
“Then what is there to fear?”
You may think, then,
That night terrors never visits me,
That I sleep with no shadows lurking,
But yet again that would be untrue,
Because,
My nights are restless,
Filled with nightmares and terrors,
The fear that haunts me is all too real,
That it wakes me up all sweating and screaming.

What is it then,
That brings these shadows to my mind?
What creature have carved these terrors deep in to my heart?

The answer is so simple,
It hides in plain sight-
Humans.
I am afraid of Humans.

I am not afraid of walking alone in the dead silent night,
But my heart races when I hear footsteps near by,
I am afraid of emerging of another human from shadows.

I am not afraid of storm’s fury,
But I fear the wrath in human eyes- vindictive and cold,
The tempest that brews in the eyes of powerful - vengeful soul.

I am not afraid of the wilderness in nature’s beasts,
But I tremble at the savagery of it’s social animal,
Who speaks of love and mercy and serves hates and destruction,
That human heart chills me to the bone.

We, who are meant to embody grace and empathy,
Have become the very thing we fear.
We, who are supposed to be kind and merciful,
To lift each other with gentle hands-
Yet we become the sharpest blades, that leaves scars, on bodies and souls.

Humans, are meant to be just,
Yet injustice flows through our veins like lifeblood,
Yet we twist justice into chains that shackles the innocents.

We are meant to nurture,
Yet we use our strength to crush and destroy,
Robbing other’s peace, light and life.
We, who are meant to be protector,
Enlights with the screams of tormented.

We are the architects of cruelty,
We are masters of betrayal,
We are the demons we were warned against.

I fear and it won’t let me sleep at night,
I fear the hands that extend with promises of friendship,
Only to wield daggers and hands down explosives.
I fear the smiles that conceal malice.
I fear the eyes, ears and mouth that choose to ignore every unkind, cruel things around itself.
I fear the power that is misused,
The power we wield against the weak, the innocents, the vulnerable.
And That is what I Fear.

I am not afraid of this world,
But the hands that moulds it.
I am not afraid of nature’s wrath-
But those who claim to control it.
I am afraid of whom, those are supposed to shine light,
Have become shadows creeping in broad day light and are eager to spread darkness.
I am afraid of whom, those are supposed to be saviours,
Have become the tormenters of our own kind and do it precisely.

I am not afraid of anything-
Yet,
I am Always Afraid of Humans,
I am Always Afraid of Us.