From August, To November

By Lukshita Nayyar

Walks on the sidewalk are my moments of melancholy
In this city that never sleeps,
A solitary stroll reminds me of my innate drowsiness
I am a part of this city, but somehow I am always asleep. 

The traffic lights turn scarlet in the heavy rain
Couples of all ages giggle and share umbrellas,
Not to stay dry, but to be warm together in the moist cold
And I keep walking, asleep inside.

Little dogs shake themselves dry
The pizza places turn on their neon boards,
Little boys and girls beg their parents for an ice-cream
And I keep walking, asleep inside.

An old man takes out his saxophone and plays away
Looking like a vinyl cover in the downpour,
A group of boys gather for a flash-mob while onlookers enjoy
And I keep walking, asleep inside.

“Down the block, I have to turn right,” I think to myself, like I do everyday
Used to this routine of numbness,
I glide through the puddles ignoring my soaked socks
And I keep walking, asleep inside.

Reaching the building, I think it is nothing grand
And the stairs aren’t a treat to the legs either,
I fumble the key as I unlock my door,
And I walk in.

Removing my wet hat and dripping coat
I settle-down on the living room couch,
And contemplate if I want Chinese or Mexican for dinner
But I can’t help turning my gaze to you first.

Looking back at me with your achingly familiar face
Your crinkled eyes and smile lines,
Against the setting sun and the calm ocean
I pick your picture up from my table.

Grazing my finger along your silhouette
I can never forget that August afternoon,
Your face was shining red from the beach’s heat
And you were the happiest you had ever been.

A feeble chuckle escapes my lips 
As I look at your mismatched shorts and shirt,
You lost your t-shirt at the sea when you went surfing
And had to settle for an ill-fitting shirt for the rest of the evening.

I can still hear your roaring laughter
When you swam in the tides, 
Your eyes were the brightest they’d ever been
And you were the most alive you’d ever been.

I can still feel your hand in mine
When you walked with me along the shore,
Collecting shells as we went,
Decorating my hair with them.

You knew this was the last summer you had
You knew to the sea you weren’t coming back,
I knew it too, along with you
Yet you were so happy, living fully, unlike me, crying through the smiles.

Our little house on the beach was full of the ocean air and salt
And your unconditional smiles and adoring kisses
All over my face, 
As you realized you were looking at me in the ocean light for the last time.

Those two weeks were worth more than our twenty years
We breathed more than we ever had, lived more than we thought we could
Laughed louder than we cared to admit 
Walked together tirelessly, feeling alive in its truest sense.

And now, it is a November evening
And August is long gone,
Nothing is the same as it was during that summer
And after you, being alive is just another memory, now long gone.