FORLORN

By Shraddha Gupta Thakral

I am still trying to be understanding ,
Like how I have always been,
You always pushed me away, whenever I was too keen,

When I recall, trust me I don't want to..
Everytime I fail..
Why you always hid from me, why you always felt in a jail,

I loved your family ,I loved your work, I loved you even with your flaws ,
But when it came to receiving it, it always came with a clause,

Clause to always do the way you wanted it, always your way ,
Or the worst , you found "others" everytime, you always pushed me away,

All I wanted a family, a loving partner to cherish me forever,
Instead , all you had were always lies , your manipulations what so ever..

I waited , waited and kept waiting...
But you pushed me away everytime and I kept hating,

Hating the time, hating the way you treated me,
Blaming others involved , wanted to set myself free,

I so wish it was that easy back then,
It wasn't when...

We started our own lil family, i thought there was still some hope..
But I was soooo wrong.. you deeply ruined us again and left me alone to cope..

I fumble, remembering those days, I still shake,
All your promises, all your apologies, everything was fake...

Nothing you said, you did to correct ..
Everytime made me believe that you'll make everything perfect...

I don't know in the end who won and who lost,
Even if I am no longer with you , but it came with a cost...

Cost of loneliness, trust issues, scared to take another step ahead,
Cost of apetite, my health, sleep everytime before I go to bed...

I am forgiving me every day a little for loving you more than myself,
Picking out my happiness I buried somewhere kept on the shelf ,

I want to heal and feel , and love and fly,
I cry, let it all out, want to make all bad memories say goodbye...

I am enough, I am beautiful, I am a good human I know...
I might make mistakes, but that's how I make them right and I grow..

I still don't know if I'll make it big into this world,
But I do know respect , love and life I've earned..

I am thankful to God to give me another chance ,
I am making every effort for my life to enhance..

Life was, is and will be tough anyway...
I will win... I will thrive and I will slay..

I have no hate or anger for you anymore..
You are free to live your life, but one thing I know for sure..

Even though we cross paths , may be often because of our family..
We see each other, you still looking so dearly,

I wish I could just at least tell you how I feel...
But now , What is left anyway so let us steal,

Some precious family moments and move on to our directions..
Cause now you are out of times for corrections..

I still wish you happiness and solace..
Get back on life, with a smile on your face...

If not others, love your self with full honesty,
Life is still beautiful to live with regrets ..it's an artistry!!


Love and light ✨️❤️
Sherry
March'24