By Shalini Sarkar
I believed I had the liberty of time
That I had an eternity at my disposal to forgive you
You missed my first words,
so I refused to let you hear the rest
You didn't hold my hand to guide me through the first steps
So I devoid you of the joy of watching me grow
You never sang lullabies
Never whispered bedtime fables
So I shut the door each time you knocked
An forbidden name
A curse to the house
That's all you were
The unmissable shiver in my mother's spine
Each time your name echoed through the walls,
The sound of a crack in her heart
when your voice returned after years of silence
Were the memories etched in my mind,
So I did right by her
I stood by her, as she stood by me
When you held out your hand,
Asking for nothing but forgiveness,
I felt lost in your eyes
Like a lone fish in an endless ocean
An ocean made of guilt and the years we could never share
So I looked away.
Every time
The anger inside me ran deep
And it spewed like a lava from a mountain every time you attempted to come closer
I thought I had an eternity at my disposal to forgive you,
And so I took all the time in the world
And now,
I find myself longing for your voice,
For a gentle pat on my back,
For a quiet smile that says the words you never could
Perhaps it’s a little too late
Maybe in the another lifetime,
If our paths cross again,
We’ll know how to begin again.