By Sainy Banerjee
Blood is flowing from me like a river,
I feel the turbulent spin in my head.
The body trembles with an elevated fever,
the saddened soul reminds me of a death bed.
Clueless eyes, glued to the ceiling,
fingers feeling the stitches that are swollen red.
The inside of me is crying and sinking,
but no, the baby needs to be fed.
With a jerk I get up and shriek in pain,
for, I had forgotten, this body of mine, is not the same.
Happens with all, why do you complain?
couldn’t push the baby out well, you are to be blamed.
Breasts leaking, and cries getting louder,
powerless and defeated, I pick up the baby.
I think to myself, am nothing but loser,
watching me struggle they said, oh! you’re just shabby.
An eternity passed with an overflow of silent tides,
when an urgent call of relief beckons.
Moving with a whisper of pain, I am calling out to my angel guides,
pondering, if it’s been a year or few seconds.
I returned to the bed, where soft breaths sighed,
for a moment, joy whispered to me, gentle and bright,
The baby asleep, a peaceful tide.
But, like a morning mist, the bliss vanished from my sight.
Once again, I sank into the shadows untold,
a shadow lingers, where joy once bloomed.
A sadness unexplained, too heavy to hold
when I shared this, all said I am just doomed.
My heart whispers sorrow in the quiet of the night,
the sleep eludes my mind,
trying hard to see the distant light.
A mother lost within herself, struggling to find.
You have a baby, they say with a smile so bright,
But in the stillness of my heart, I struggle through the night.
‘What kind of mother?’ they ask with eyes so cold,
As if love were measured by the joy they’ve been told.
Blessed are the women, who’ve birthed a soul,
But sometimes, the weight of this blessing takes a heavy toll.
Thinking of all these, my head aches,
with a storm within that won’t subside.
Palpitations race,
in this restless, uncanny tide.
Fever burns, deep in my veins,
I am swallowed by sorrow, in waves of pain.
Through the darkness, a whisper remains, will I ever endure, though weary, with chains?
In that moment, my baby stirs,
His smile like a beam of light that softly purrs.
Like I am the stars, the earth, the sky—
The center of his world, his gaze so high.
And though I stumble, am lost in the dark,
His love ignites a flicker, a beautiful spark.
For in his eyes, I find my grace,
A reason to rise, to embrace this place.
Through the storm, with him by my side,
I’ll gather strength, let my spirit collide.
And from this struggle, I’ll emerge and shine,
A mother, a soul, forever divine.