Burdened With Freedom

By Kakoli Ghosh

My guilt grew skin as my fear became akin to 
a thousand unsure fingers, trembling out of hand;
caught in the nestling’s blind chirping I couldn’t flee,
my veins squealed as my palms shivered
in the warmth of its last flutter.

Bhai was too young to know the burden of sudden
freedom thrust upon a soft tangle of bones and fuzzy feathers;
the wriggling pink flesh, like reflux of swallowed vomit burning within
picked Bhai’s curiosity. He pried open its vague arms coiled in sleep
forcing it to pose as his Spiderman pencil sharpener
that can save the crimpy shavings in its strong head.

Puzzled at its nebulous quivers Bhai put it in my hand, fleeing.
Out of guilt or fear, I don’t know what suited my tear more clear
I closed its messy arms back to its dreamy wings but
couldn’t merge my prayer into its lost sleep
in the comfort of the dead twigs; woken up mid-sleep,
its shut eyes still throbbing along the edges of its awakening
like the last rays of the day lingering at our dusky awning,
it sank into my cupped palms as light slips into a long tunnel.

I didn’t know where’s the profound hole
that hid my golden soul.
What bird cast the giant shadow over my untidy palms?
Bhai flew away fading like an inner voice
that whimpers and quietens beneath the mind until sleep calms.
I couldn’t toss the thing anywhere,
the invisible cat smelt my fishy weight waiting near.