By Kiruthika Palraj
Just go to your room and study, they say
So I do-
Drown the yelling with textbooks,
But silence screams the loudest in this house-
An unspoken agreement to never ask, to never feel.
Dinner plates clatter like unsaid words,
Heavy with the weight of things we don't discuss.
Every slammed door is a full stop,
Ending arguments that never really began.
They fight, then smile, then pretend all's good-
Like nothing ever happened; like promises weren't just broken.
Just go to your room and study, they say,
And I wonder if logic can untangle the knots
Of broken hearts and bottled rage.
I linger around the jagged edges of the burning bridge,
Wondering if I was ever meant to cross it.
The deafening silence drowns these questions I dare not ask.
The walls are thin, but the blame is thick.
Muffled voices seep through like smoke,
Filling every corner, suffocating my forlorn heart.
I learn to tiptoe around the wreckage,
To read the tension in the room like Braille on broken glass,
I memorize their triggers,
Every word I shouldn't say,
Every step I shouldn't take.
I shrink myself into the corners of my world,
Hoping someday I'll have a room
Where I won't need to hide.
Just go to your room and study, they say,
So I do-
I study the quiet between their battles,
The way they press their wounds into me,
I study the art of pretending:
Smiling through tears,
Laughing through fear,
Living through chaos.
But in the back of my mind, I dream-
I dream of a house free of taunts,
With windows and hearts that aren't broken,
Where messy rooms only mean I had fun,
Where nobody punches walls out of anger,
And muffled sounds are always of laughter.
I dream of a home I'll build someday,
Brick by brick,
With doors open to love
And no room for anger.
Just go to your room and study, they say,
So I do-
Because I know this isn't forever.
Because someday, I'll take all I've learned and leave,
I'll leave this house behind-
I'll be going home.