A half-written dilemma

By Haiza Erin

I have a habit of leaving my poems and stories midway,
in the hope to pick them up later and give them a better ending.
But who knows it better than you?
That we can’t always pick things up from the same place we have left them.

A month ago, I wrote a poem and left it midway. In that, the flowers were happy and blooming.
But today, I don’t know what to do with these flowers.
They are staring at me with fright,
but also with hope — as if I am an executioner and their lives depend upon me.
Probably they are right,
for if I start writing now, I won’t be able to show them any mercy.

I will make them fall one by one.
In my old poem, it’s a beautiful March evening and the lovers are sitting together,
their feet dipped in the water, stealing a kiss, putting flowers on each other’s hair,
and waiting for the sunset.

But today, if I start writing, the evening will be shaped differently. It won’t be March.
It will be a cloudy July evening.
The water will be too cold,
there will be no sunset to catch,
and no flowers to give.
In my old poem, there is me, my grandmother, two cups of coffee, and lots of conversations.

But today, if I start writing, I will make the tea go cold,
and will probably replace myself with a book.
Today, as I sit with these half-written poems,
I ask myself, will it work if I hold onto my pen tighter and continue to write anyway?
Knowing it well that I can’t give them the ending they deserve?

Our lives are full of incomplete things — love, friendships, dreams, conversations.
These poems are just one of those things.
But, I have learned from you that it’s okay to let some stories stay the way they are,
for unfinished stories can still be beautiful if we let them go at the right time.