A childhood lost

By Saumya Mittal

The colorful lights
And the awesome rides,
They always lured me in.
I would stay in the carnival
For hours and hours,
No end to it existed.

The sugar sweet candies
And the unjust games,
They whispered to me,
The sacred carnival tales

“Never leave this place that gives you joy,
Cause once you come back,
bewildering truths you might find.”

So I dive my hand,
In the unevenly stitched bag.
Pick out a few dimes,
As they rattle in my hand.

And the voice?
It challenges me,
It challenges me
To chase the perfect victory.

After the stalls I run,
Excitedly towards the parade-
The joker who plays the flute,
And flying fishes,
That wave.

But as soon as it starts,
My mom jolts me out of there,
Quite fast.
“You are older now”
“First homework, then you may play.”
She repeats these lines
Again and again and again
Everyday.

The carousel has now turned into Geometry,
And the game stalls into finance.
Eachday a new deadline joins the other,
And together they laugh and dance.

Years and years pass by like this.
Perfect grades,
Perfect college,
Perfect company,
Perfect connections.

This is as good as it gets.
“Be grateful” “you are so lucky.”
They say this
During
Yet another dinner,
This time with dresses and fine suits.

And as i tick yet
Another box on the to do list
“Congratulations on your wedding!
Now kids right? A boy and a girl.”
There comes one more box to fill.

Right then,
The girl in white beside me,
Stands up and clinks her glass.
The sound,
It takes me to a place long forgotten,
And her words and promises of love
They fade into nothingness,
A void,
In which I fell long ago.

Now there I am
Back at the carnival,
Still hearing the rattle of the coins.
It pains though,
Like the beeper after I die.

And no sugary aroma
Surrounds the place,
It is rust and broken dreams everywhere,
That engulfs me with that smell,
The one a person never forgets.

And the riddle they whispered,
I hear it again in my brain.
“Once you come back, find the truth”
Is that what it said?

So now that I open my eyes,
Darkness traps me inside.
The dead plants,
Broken rides,
The torn plushies
And fishes in the river,
The carnival now feels like a cruel joke.

Everything has fallen.
The colors only black and gray,
As if the life is snatched out from that place,
And the colors whispering goodbye.
Maybe because that soul had some homework to do,
Then many more boxes to fill.