By Aditi Chotra
TW- Suicide
Remember
Remember when we had that one pillow fight
where I dramatically shouted to scare you
and the next second you were holding me tight
you kept holding me saying you didn’t want to hurt me
and you didn’t let go of me to let the moment be
So now this,
it, it sounded easier in my head
but you know it’s not a beautiful place to be
it’s finally my time and I know it, so you have to trust me
I’d find you on the other side
but I can’t stay here anymore for the ride
I know I know you must be shaking
but I’m letting you know this before I get to leaving
we always talked about being together in every parallel universe
and I tend to think this one for you was a curse
see we both knew we’d have to face this one day
I’m not giving up on you but I have given up anyway
I couldn’t have come up to you with any more of my episodes
so I’ve decided to cut to the finale
no don’t blame yourself you’re not the one with the blade in your hands
think of it as another one of my rants
I won’t write to my parents but tell them I apologise
I’ve been fighting this invisible fight
I’m writing this with my left hand I don’t want to be right
I’ve been in this since I was a little kid
so no it’ll not be okay this time
but whatever I have, use that dime
something has grown over me
this darkness gets me high but life sobers me
to me, my being is poisonous
even though I know you call me precious
I’ve made this decision, you take your time
build yourself out of this trauma I’m leaving you
I’ll heal it whenever next I’ll be seeing you
talk about me as the love of your life
and tell them your wife died of suicide
you have nothing to hide
I was fighting my own fights
I’m lost too soon but leaving with pride
I hope you understand I’m rooting for the other side
don’t think of me for long okay?
but when you’re sitting tomorrow with this page
filled with rage
look at your pillow, it’ll be the one reminding you of our fight
hold it like you held me and you’ll have me in your sight"