By Ayda Karel
You tried to break it down,
But I kept building it higher.
A golden barrier, an aesthetic maze,
Yet within, a sea of fire ablaze.
Only I've known the burn,
The struggle to stay within,
Melting bones & peeling off skin.
I added more gold to the aesthetics,
Raised the barrier even higher,
To safeguard you from my frenzied kinetics.
To keep my secret safe,
To conceal the sin I never wished to make.
The sin whose burden is making my shoulders bend,
The sin from which I couldn't fend.
To safeguard truth you wished to hear,
From the tsunami of my tears.
A closed door, your attempts in vain,
You forcibly pushing, walls rose again.
"I need nobody", a facade I wore,
A plea for help in the words I swore.
Hypocrisy weaved in my protective lies,
Love in sorrow, where tomorrow dies.
Your attempts were deliberately made to fail,
To keep you safe from the wrath of sin I made,
The sin of not being of any help,
The sin of killing oneself.
My hands are red from my own blood,
My own self is drenched in crimson flood.
I killed my flower,
I couldn't keep it alive,
With this self-inflicted pain I have to survive.
~Karel Ayda Zahoor
31.01.2024