Some people mature way too fast, some souls age way too early and some have been wondering for eternity but what keeps them sane are their very ways of expressing themselves and i gladly put myself into these categories. Being introverted since as a child, i would always hide behind others, behind classmates at school behind friends at birthday parties and behind cousins at
family gatherings. Would always find myself a secluded spot and soak in some
uninterrupted time alone. Growing up i always felt a fire inside me that needed its outburst, a bird whose wings needed unclipping, a wind that had lost its direction, and a boat that floats as a derelict. All my emotions were chained within my feeble yet untamed heart waiting for its breakthrough and the only thing that saved me from the darker regions of my heart, which set me free was my love for writing. I have been writing since 7th standard and the very first thing i wrote was a song expressing how hard is it to express yourself,quite an irony there right?
Well that was just the beginning from there on it continued a whole lot of complaining and whining throughout the year. Having a rough childhood had shaken me to the core; bullying, body shaming, humiliation were just to name a few which by default had some definite implications on my health and studies, not being able to cope with life i was on the verge of completely losing myself, people be lecturing me on personality grooming while i was devoid of life, everything seemed nothing more than an illusion to me and the cruelest part was not being able to even cry properly since i have been dwelling onto this facade of a tough person for a good amount of time so as to guard the faint soul within, which only revealed itself while listening to sad songs at night when everyone else were asleep. Being a huge admirer of sad songs, i thought what if i also try, and one fine evening with my very unsure hands and bleak mind i decided to pen down whatever my heart would instruct, this went on for almost an hour and that is when i realized what expressing felt like, what liberating felt like and then there was no going back. Writing has been a constant in every phase of my life, pen and paper had turned into my best friends it did not just comfort me but allowed me to be myself. As i was graduating i knew i was healing when i did not want to write anymore of sorrow, anger and rejection but very gradually and organically i shifted to the realm of philosophy and wanted to explore more of life lessons and gratitude stories which made me happy realizing that i was recovering from the wounds that nobody could heal but myself and all through these years it is writing that has been mending my broken pieces and taught me how to love myself. Writing did elevate my aching soul and helped me breakfree from that gaint spiral of toxicity. But then i was not the kind of daily dairy maintaining person i would only write when
i felt like, and when i did, i would go berserk on it. Yes, this is how my cells function!
I believe writing should make you feel free and not bound you onto another condition in the name of norms and also it is completely upto oneself to decide which piece of your work to share with the world since every craft is not for public consumption but some words are poured out just to save your own heart. The beauty of writing is that it accepts you as who and whatever you want to be without weighing your heart down with judgements and criticisms. Writing liberates me like none, i speak my mind, do my own things, i dance to my
victories, i wail at my sorrows and express every other thing through my writing,
there has been no other better confidant than my pages that not just listens to all of my wildest of dreams and darkest of secrets but also keeps them safe. I may seem sober and dull to the world but my books there be smiling and thinking only if you could turn those pages of mine and witness a hurricane evoke. No matter how much of a good time i spend doing other things i would eventually go back to my pen and papers as they are home to me as writing is the definition of absolute freedom to me and which is why i have finally learn to fly free as a kite.