By Pallavi Dandamudi
Do you know how I deal with pain?
My pain, my sorrow, my joy, it's all mine.
You looked at me and saw a smiling face, Yet , I had been crying myself to sleep at night.
My fear of rejection bottled up in a corner, My fear of failure eating me up.
Did you ever truly listen?
Did you ever truly see me?
My silence never found a voice, I felt so lost in all the noise.
You say I am your friend , but am I really?
You looked right through the pain.
My silence mistook for arrogance,
While a monster was eating me away.
With your fake niceties, and your shallow gestures, yes you, who thought I was fine. Keep your friendship I don't need it, It never was really mine.
I felt lonely and blue and broken inside, It's wasn't your fault I know.
Yet I can't help but hate you for not seeing, what I had been going through.
You couldn't fix me, I know that.
But I needed someone to try..
I needed you to look at me,
And just simply ask me why.
But if you had, Could I really tell you,
Would you really understand?
Would you get that I felt lonely,
despite of so many friends.
Would you get that I still love him.
Though he broke my heart?
Could I tell you my ugly stories?
The times I woke up crying
Would you get that all I needed was for someone to listen?
And talk to me, that's all.
Not about politics or movies or something fancy, but about something real.
But you know what the problem is , it's that you pretend.
You pretended to care.
You promised to be around when I need you, But I didn't find you their.
So all I need now, is to let me be, I can own up to my pain.
I can fight my battles, I don't need you.
But stop saying you care.
My joy, my sorrow my pain, all of those are mine,
I can build myself up back together I promise to be fine.