to be tied to recognition

Taapti Jamwal

the difficulty of coming to terms with
the fact of myself
may seem like a sudden realization –
be mindful that it is
for the mind does make space for all
except itself –
harder to let go of
than to bear

which makes me think about how
the acts of verbalizing thoughts
that promise to push me towards any sense of identity
are terrifying encounters with myself

leading me to stretch the thoughts
to accommodate my fears and
to walk over them till they near the point of breaking and
it is here
in the perforations of my psyche
where I find the unsteady breath of my existence –
the magical threads of my being
which create need and
destruct the bliss of monotony,
where things are loved
because they are known

momentarily losing myself
to this fiery darkness of the unknown
is the closest I have come to realize just how frightening it is
to be anything at all

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