Neha Kumari Jena
Self destruction results in two outcomes . Either you die and bury yourself or take birth from it .
There are many ways to self destruct ownself or oneself. But the root cause is temptation or obsession. In this case , we drink the poison our mind pours for us and we feel sick. But in the end , one thing is fixed that is "DEATH" .It may be death of the body or death of the temptation.
In the first case , there is no rebirth but in the later there is a chance .
Self destruction makes a pretty big noise but the noise is only limited to that particular person . Only he / she can hear it . This happens due to the temptation or obsession . These two words grow silently in our mind like a seed . They will grow and grow and one day they will become a tree . But when this tree will fall , it will cause havoc . Normally when a tree falls , the sound of the noise dies within seconds as it is not conserved . But the noise that take place in the mind is conserved . That noise will never escape and will keep on vibrating . If it is let out then the person will let go of it orelse the noise will destroy the person and its surrounding with time.
Something like this happened with my friend when we were in school . It's a personal experience of mine. This incident includes love and obsession . It includes death and havoc . It will also teach you that to be empty is not bad .
In school days , when we were teenagers , life was going good . I had two friends Mina and Mahi . We three were the happiest. But we three were totally different . But as someone said, good days never last long . In those days I was never into love . But my other two friends were not like me. Mina was into boys but never experienced love and Mahi was a girl after whom boys were crazy but she never gave them chance. Mina was always in search of her other half but never found one .
One day when we three were sitting at the school cafeteria when Mina whispered to us that there was a boy who was staring at her from some distance.When we two looked at the direction, we saw that a guy was really staring at our direction . I figured out that guy . He was Rohan , the famous dancer of our school . But I was in doubt . It was because I was not confirmed whether he was looking at Mina or Mahi .
This thing continued for some weeks . Mina was the happiest and she assumed that he was her soulmate. She was in love . She would always tell that she atlast got an admirer . But something was wrong . I was very uncomfortable about all this . Mahi was always silent in this matter .
We used to have permanent seats in the cafeteria. Mina and Mahi used to have the two seated bench while I used to seat infront of them. That boy used to seat little diagonally to me but infront of me . So whenever he would look at our table , I couldn't make out whether his stares were at Mina or Mahi.
One day , Rohan came to our table and started talking with us. We all were shocked except Mahi . Her face had no emotions.
Day by day our friendship with Rohan got well but something was eating me up always . I was never comfortable with Mina's case . But I always shrugged it off.
Mina was at top of the sky when Rohan started hanging around with us . She was very overprotective about him. She has already planned about her future with him . She told us everything about it . She was in love but Mahi and i found it different . She was obsessed with him. Her day started with Rohan's topic and ended with that topic only .
What made me more confuse that whenever we used to talk in our free time , Rohan would be stealing glances at Mahi
Mina was waiting for Rohan to propose . Rohan never knew what Mina was thinking . He was equally talking to the of us . But he never proposed Mina . So , Mina thought that she will propose him one day .
That day eventually came, when Mina was going to propose Rohan. She was smiling from ear to ear . She had forgotten her studies, her duties and everything the day she fell in love. She was not in love but she was obsessed .
That day we three were showing different expression . I was very worried . Mahi was looking pale and Mina was flying high .
When Rohan came that day , Mina immediately stood up from her place which made us two surprised . She started giving her "love" speech to Rohan . Like she fell in love with him when she caught him staring at him. She told about their future and all . I was looking at Rohan . His face was unreadable.
When Mina finished her little speech, Rohan said something unexpected, which gave a shock to me . He said " Sorry , but I dont love you . I only see you as a friend . I was never staring at you at the first place . I was looking at Mahi always ."
This is where my fear came true .
Mahi was looking paler than before.
Then the aura of his tone changed , " I always loved Mahi and I told her about my love after meeting u all . But she rejected me . And I think you r the reason Mina for whom she rejected me. I am sorry but I hate you from now ."
He said and left.
I was dumbfounded. Mina collapsed beside me. She stated crying on my shoulder. Mahi was going to touch her when she stopped her and went away .
Mina went back to her home but never came back to school for 2 weeks . I asked Mahi about this matter . She said that Rohan proposed her but she denied because Mina was in love with him and if she had accepted the proposal then our friendship would have broken.I understood her. But still , if she had told then Mina wouldn't have dreamt of all this .
During those two weeks , one day we two visited Mina . But seeing Mahi she got angry . She accused her for stealing her love . She accused her to be the seed of every problem. She accused her that she was the main reason why she is single and why Rohan left him .
Mina was so obsessed with Rohan that she couldn't accept the rejection and his words . Not only Rohan rejected her but also hated her now .
Mahi was heartbroken after hearing Mina . She rejected Rohan to save her friendship but the opposite happened.
I experienced the downfall our friendship with my own eyes . The 9 year friendship was coming to an end .
After that cafeteria incident neither Mina nor Mahi were able to face the students. Some students were against Mina while some students were against Mahi . Mina turned into a bitter enemy of Mahi . Her obsession led her to evil .
She started bullying Mahi . How much I tried to stop ,nothing happened . Mina was so obsessed that one day she dashed her scooty over Mahi . Luckily Mahi was alright . She only got few minor injuries but the major injury took place in her mind . She became scared of Mina . Eventually, she left school .
After this incident , the whole school went against Mina . Her parents were called . Her parents got to hear so many things . Her parents slapped her infront of the whole school. And this time ,Mina got mentally disturbed . Her obsession didn't bring her back Rohan but made her lose everything .
She started bunking classes . When I again visited her ,i noticed her face . She lost that glow. She has cut her hand many times . Cutting her hand was her drug to make her calm down .This is what she told me . She was taking pills for sleeping. She was in complete mess . Her parents were leaving outside the city ,so they didn't know about her condition.
She remained in depression for many days . She believed that she was a murderer who was going to kill someone .
Seeing her situation , I took a step . I made her join meditation class. She was taking online classes for her studies and was living in the Ashram for her healing . Within 5 months, she got recovered from her depression .
She came out as a new girl . When I first saw her, after 5 months I was surprised to see her new form . She came out as a new person leaving her old self behind . She was now calm very silent but she was focused on her career . She was damn serious about her studies. She didn't pay attention to anything other than studies and me . But she was the reason for her self destruction which killed that old ,mischievous and free living girl .
Mahi was not in our life anymore . She totally vanished from our lives .
Sometimes , I used to sit and think that these temptation are not good for health. If I didn't help her back then , I think she would have suicided . I would have lost her too.
She got "fanna" (self destruction in love) .
But she again came back as a star. For a star to be born , there is one thing that must happen i.e a gaseous nebula must collapse . Like this only , the old Mina got collapsed and crumbled which gave birth to a new star.
Real depression is when you stop loving the thing you love . And this is what happened with Mina . Self destruction has three gates through which we destruct ourselves i.e Anger , Lust and Greed.
Mina was greedy in love , which led her to anger on the later mode .
Now she is an empty girl. Now dont think that to be empty is not good. The flute is also an empty instrument . It is the breathe that flows and sing and dance through it. To be empty is not emptiness. One day , someone better will breathe through her and she will sing and dance that day .
But life taught me one thing that never be strongly obsessed or tempted to something and also taught me to be soft enough to bend in the storm.
So leave the temptation or obsession you have .
It will never lead u to anything . Love but dont get obsessed with it .