Meghna Dash

"Ever thought life of a caged bird. It is provided food and drinks by others. It life is eat, drink, chirp and pee. My life is strikingly similar.I am caged. Not by my parents or society. But my mind. I live there. Social life of caged bird is non existent. Let's count number of people, I met. "Huh many". Number of friends or important connections I made. "None".I am indolent . I was obese till last year. Then I started walking to loss weight. When my age kids ere learning skills, I was watching TV. When my age kids were socialising, I was addicted to my I pad. I was a glutton. I had low self esteem. I used to feel I am being hated on and mocked at. I overthink a lot. I judge people a lot. I never smiled in my childhood. I have no close person in my life. I had just my imagination. Inshort I achieved nothing i was just a good person .And now when I started getting happy, everything trembled. After losing 30 kgs by hard work and diet. I am losing 3-4 friends I made. And so called good image of "doing nothing" I had made for so long. I was diagonised with psychosis. I can't even distinguished reality from illusion.I heard voices and saw images who didn't exist during that time. I am creating enemies. All these because of my mind. I think a lot. This time I broke the barrier. I accused my friend. I accused my classmate. I accused everyone.But that's my reality. There's reality is different from me. I am not insane. Don't do this to me. " Saying this she faints. Ward boys took her to her room. She was allowed to take rest."schizophrenia " Said doctor . "Her parents sent her here when she started believing she is in process of spiritual awakening. She believes in angel number. She believes others are conspiring against her. She don't trust anyone. What she does is only write something in her dairy. She seems depress too. It's difficult to diagonise her properly"
"She is not here"- shouted the nurse. Everyone started searching for her. Then the nurse went to search her. Doctor went inside and saw that nurse is tied. He realised she is in disguise of a nurse.
" It's sunrise, it's always quiet and tranquil. No one can understand it, you need to feel it. It speaks to me. It teaches me to rise .I never woke up early in my life.Its joyous" Said Naina ."I could enjoy here for sometime, then I will move to NGO to meet children. I miss my birds. Change is necessary. I should socialise with humans now. She walked to nearest NGO. "Good morning kids ! let's do something " With this she took out her crayons and pencils .She also had books with her. She drew with kids and taught them to colour. Then she told them stories. She always loved stories. Movies interest her. She started scribbling something on her diary. "Kids smile, my heart feels good. They enjoy without expectations. They do everything with joy. They love doing the work without any wish of result. My parents loved me.My birds never. They always tried flying away from cage. They didn't like the captivity like me. My mind still don't stop. It won't stop. "With this she stops writting and decided to sleep She slept in lodge. She volunteered for NGO daily. She was happy . Her eyes filled with joy. Her last dream predicted live life in a flow. Wait for some change. She wake up and remembered her dream . She saw herself flying in the sky. She wrote in her diary. "Birds fly. I want to fly. My birds were caged. Always wanted to fly. They wanted freedom. I want freedom. I want to fly. I always wanted to skydive. But I fear heights. I will die. I never did that. I have no one now. My parents had flaws in parenting. They never accepted. They never understood me. They care only about their reputation. What others will say! Others will blame us. Our parenting will be questioned. I never questioned them. They felt. I was never mentally ill. I always seeked freedom and independence. I wanted expression of my individuality. I was never I'll always sick of captivity. I will go to Rishikesh . . She stopped writting. She was determined to go there. She started working in restaurant. She worked as waitress. Though she suspected people, she controlled her urge to confront them. She worked there for 1.5 years. She continued NGO work. She booked train to Rishikesh. After reaching there ,she felt joyous. She immediately went to asram. She learnt meditation. She felt serene. And her thoughts started getting better. She learnt yoga there. She did skydiving. She jumped off the plane. "I was scared at first, then I jumped off. I saw the world. I dropped my fear"

1 comment

  • I am happy to tell I am actually not schizophrenic. I don’t have any mental illness

    Meghna dash

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