Mirror, Mirror

Sayanti Ghosh

I stand in front of the ivory-rimmed mirror
Wrapped in a towel, water dripping from my hair
I drop the towel and look at my skinny self
Not enough –
Not clear enough skin, not bright enough eyes
Not big enough breasts, not thick enough thighs
Not long enough legs, not sharp enough mind
Not bold enough soul, not courage enough to fight
My nails dig into my palm, tears blear my eyes
The voices in my head get louder
Not enough, not enough they say
I try to scream back that I am okay
But my voice is choked, my will unsteady
The person in the mirror looks unconvinced
I pick up the towel, wipe my tears and step back
She recedes into the mirror
But the trenchant eyes still follow me
I won’t let you, I say and turn away
I perch myself on the ledge of the open French window
I sit on the edge and let my feet sway
I see her no more, the voices hush, their words fade away
As I dive into the oblivion, I am finally free

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