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Identity void

Manna Subba

They yelled, "he is too timid, he'll never survive alone,
Four years have passed, they still yell at him with the same tone.
He sits by a pond and exclaims he has caught a fish,
It's a dead leaf, questionable innocence, pretty much a tease.
I found him once sitting by the same pond, he looked up at me with his mouth filled with dirt, he seemed lost,
Globs of mud dripping from the corners of his cracked lips, his hands started shaking as though he saw a ghost.


His caretaker, the aunt, would be intoxicated 24×7 and the uncle was nowhere to be seen,
Summer arrived, so did winter, he'd be curled up in the kitchen, near the fireplace like a sack of bean.
His divorced mother visited once a year, but she never stayed she never did,
That child was not her 's anymore, not her responsibility to feed.


All the kids in the neighborhood would pick on him, "oh he's dull, he doesn't feel a thing",
These words probably echo in his mind till this day, it must be on repeat, it's a lullaby, he doesn't want anyone to sing.
It's dark now, everyone is asleep, time for him to plot his escape to the land of his dreams.
He wanted to leave that horrible place, he surely wanted to scream,
It was his fate, not that he asked for any.



After a year or so his father took him away for good,
Came back five years later, oh how tall he stood .
He said he doesn't recognize anyone of us, everyone started creating a fuss, offended a bit,
A tormenting childhood like that, who would want to remember it .
I don't know about his whereabouts now, the last time I saw him was 16 years ago,
He must have grown into a lukewarm soul, not too hot not too cold.



His recovery time must have taken a toll on his teenage years, his vulnerability could have creeped in, making way for social anxiety and personality crisis.
His identity still confusing,
I wonder if he has healed or is he still suffering.
Did he forgive his past, or has he not acknowledged it?
He must have come across varying personalities, became paranoid and confused,
Tried thriving on their behaviour and pretended they were his own, tried harder and ended up being an authentic clone.
He'll scream to himself now "what is this void?"


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