Dear Me

Deepannita Gupta

Dear 16 year old me,
What would have I told you if I'd meet you today?
I kept thinking about it for a while now,
And I'm ready with the things to say.
So take a seat and breathe D,
It's okay to have that anxiety.
I know loneliness is what you kept feeling each day,
But trust me your present is not the same case.
When panic attacks and distress were filling up your head,
I wish you had cried and had it let out instead.
When just sleeping at night was becoming your nightmare,
And when everything in life seemed so unfair,
I wish you had held on to that bit of hope and faith.
When depression had made way to be your friend,
I wish I could have warned you to stay away.
When day after day and night after night,
Your smiles weren't meeting your eyes anymore,
I wish you had tried a little bit harder,
And seen the happy moments you ignored.
When insecurity and self-doubt was eating you alive,
I wish you'd noticed the beauty you had inside.
When pent up anger and feelings kept making you insane,
I wish you hadn't given up and had fought your way past through those rains.
And dear D, remember what you did that day?
I wish you'd known about the regret that was forever to stay.
And remember that first thought of ending everything?
I'll forever wish you hadn't let yourself sink in.
I know how hard it was and how scared you were,
When you deemed yourself weak and immature.
I wish I could tell you that your sensitivity,
Was indeed a gift you should have treasured.
If only D, you'd told yourself this during your bad days,
That in the end you'd survive and be okay,
You wouldn't hate your 2016 till date.
There is this one last thing that you should know,
I've turned out mature and happier than before.
What you went through, is now just this beautiful tragedy,
Which I look back upon sometimes,
To feel proud about how brave I've come out to be.
But I've still got my ups and downs you see,
Though this time I won't be loosing myself in between.


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