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A positive alteration

NANDITA RABHA

Birds were singing, wind was blowing and sun was on its way to rise. An alarm just knocked off my sleep. I opened my eyes and somehow, switched off the alarm bell that was hurting my ears. After switching it off, I checked my phone and the time was 5 am. Like every other normal lock down days, I was just done with my second semester of my PG program, which was held virtually and can be called as online exams. Part of me wanted to knock it off and go back to sleep, while the other part of me was motivating me to wake up and start the day off with a beautiful warmth of wind bustling around. Hence, I woke up, got freshened up and did my regular work. The date was 24th of July, 2020 and my wait for one movie which was about to get released in Netflix today, would finally be over. Being alone and a solitude lover, I always felt relished by watching movies in Netflix and type down some random thoughts of my emotions in my laptop. Probably excited for the movie, I was done with my breakfast and started scrolling down the Netflix, checking if it the movie was up already. And at 12:30pm, finally it got released.
The movie got over after past 2 and half an hour and by the time it got over, it was already 3pm. I was late for my lunch but the movie had really got me smitten into it. After completing my lunch, I sat down to write down on my diary. I was really happy because it got me positive energy passing through my body. And hence, I opened my pen cap and started noting down on it. The diary went like-
“Hey sweetie pie, how are you? I am so sorry I have been busy the past few days, but honestly, I was too lazy to pick up my ass and jot down some few lines on you. But since, I am here today I want to share with you the moment of today. The day went as usual, except the part that I watched the second part of my favorite movie that I had been waiting since last year. And you know what, I loved the movie. It even cleared my doubts that I had been going on questioning around myself. Dear diary, you know how much I love my best friend. O yeah, by the way, his name is Rachit and we have been friends since last 6 months. At times, he does not understand that how much he mean to me. We are really different from each other but he understands my soul. He is committed to his girlfriend already so past few months I have been trying to get the answers of the next move I should be taking in my life. And today I found all of my answers. Thanks babe, see ya.”
That was the few lines, I jotted down on my diary that day but exactly what ran down on me in bringing the change was that I understood the meaning of my life. On 24th of July, 2020, I found myself. I found out who I wanted to be. I realized that life is not about what I want to be or what I am. It’s all about understanding who I am and who I want to be. I understood that I don’t want to be the love of my best friend but it’s just that I want to be his support system. And in the coming years, I want to be my mother’s pride, my father’s hand, my elder sister’s love, my nephew’s laugh, my best friend Rachit’s strength and mostly in the upcoming years, the most important one is that, I want to be a humble person and be the reason of help of everyone, whoever is in need. Life is not a gambling or a marathon race, where I am just trying to be what I am not. I accepted that life is all about living a life by becoming the reason of other’s happiness. If I don’t understand myself, if I don’t know who I am, how will I ever be able to live cheerily? And on this day, I grasped the meaning of my life and the cause, God brought me into this world.
24th of July has given me the incentive to restart the button of my life and choose a path of learning myself more than seeking what I want from life. My adoration for this day cannot be expressed in better way, other than writing. I felt sanguine and pragmatic energy had taken me into account after a long period of time in my life. I have always struggled to understand others, when I never could understand myself. But finally, I achieved the reason of my mortality. And this reason has cleared up all of my agitation and gloominess that used to let me go down the road. And now, I found the right road to walk on.
Almost a week, today is 30th of July, 2020 and the date of 24th July will forever be a trip, I would like to take on, down my memory lane again. If any pessimism or darkness appears in front of my face and questions me of my mortality, I am ready to strike through it. Because this day will never be erased as it was a day I was re born again with the meaning of my existence. Down the memory lane and till I am down my grave, this day will always provide me the strength and help me to fight down my difficulties.
Particularly, as I grew up older and about to complete the 25 years of my life, I started understanding my mother better. She has always been my inspiration. She never said me compete with others in order to step high in your life, in fact she advised me to be a good human-being and rather compete with myself. Since I was a kid, I had always seen my mother compromising her happiness for her own family and others but now, I understood why she did that. She did give up all of her material possessions to other folks because she received true happiness and blessings in return of it. She found the true meaning of life by giving others, rather than expecting to receive from them instead. I have always been trying to follow the footsteps of my mother because she insisted me on becoming a good human being with a humble soul, rather than just having an outer appearance.
Perhaps, 24th of July has cleared up all of my precision and insecurities, I had been juggling with it from long. Hence, I found the meaning of my life and with this meaning, I will forever cherish and be thankful for this one particular date in the year of 2020.



2 comments

  • You write it so beautifully bai🥺❤. I am totally immersed in your writing!

    Bhiyoma Rabha
  • Dammm u slammed dunked it ……..😘

    dhrub hajong

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